What did the condom say to the penis? What did the light bulb say to the switch? How do sheep share their feelings with each other? It must have been a really bad one we work on a submarine.What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?You get kicked out of the petting zoo.How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?He forgot to wrap his Whopper!Whats the difference between you and the refrigerator?The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it.What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common?Theyre both something we could cheat on.A husband says to his wife, Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?She replies, I dont like calling you when youre at work.I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex.She asked if I was serious, and I said, Nah, Im just fucking with you.Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died?Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off.My bae told me that s/x is better on vacation.It wasnt the best postcard Ive ever received.How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?By the taste.My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, I shaved my pussy you know what that means?I said, Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again.. Sending hilarious short dirty jokes to a mate may be a lot of fun, and you can wind up laughing your lungs out together. Lingerie is half-off in stores today, but in my bedroom, its going to be 100% off. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood.". I came three times trying to wash that shit off.Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say dont and if he touches your pussy say stop?Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said dont stopIts not that the man didnt know how to juggle He just didnt have the balls to do it.I took a poop in the elevator. PS: The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. For example, what becomes wetter as things get raunchy? Id like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland. "Whale you be mine?". And Seal doesnt have one at all. Im wearing red lace for the holiday. ", 3. With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones. I think you are porcu-fine. 5. This holiday may be named after a saint, but nothing Im going to do to you tonight is church-sanctioned. Your tongue gets me off. One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.You know youre getting old when your wife says, Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,And you answer, I cant do both.Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.What do a guy and a car have in common?They both have an ability to misfire.Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?Because his wife has passed away. Both make you stand around for over an hour and wait for a two-minute ride. 24. What happened to the two angels who got married? Some have theirs longer than others sometimes depending on where they come from. Whats inside me tastes great in your mouth. Though many people would pretend they dont like dirty jokes or they dont understand them, but deep down we all know that everyone enjoys receiving a slightly naughty message or laughing at a well-told dirty minded joke. All Rights Reserved. 19. Whether you're smitten or single this Feb. 14, we've got you covered with jokes, hilariously terriblepickup lines and card ideas to celebrate the day of love. "Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. A calendar. 50 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids and Adults - Parade 1. Riddles pique our attention. Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? It is, indeed. 500 Valentine Cards Sent by Desperate Man Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove. Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? Worry not, because Metro.co.uk has compiled a list of the rudest, tongue-in-cheek-est, blush-inducing jokes for Valentines Day. 30. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentines Day? What is it?Legs.Most of the time when I go in, I cause some pain. Africa Hi, my names Microsoft. The container in which a penis is delivered. ChuckleBuzz has had contributions from a huge amount of freelancers and visitors who submit content to the website. He'd probably gift a box of chocolates. 2. "Peas be my Valentine.". 79 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes - Best Life ", Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 6. What am I?Gloves.I assist with e**ctions. A booger is thrown into the air.Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.Ive been taking Viagra for my sunburn. Is your name Google? Get over here and eat my heart-shaped box. 60 hilarious memes for Valentine's Day lovers or cynics. Though adulthood is all about taking responsibility for your own decisions in life, a little pause through dirty adult jokes can really perk you up. 23. What do Disney World and V*agra have in common? Whats better than a good laugh? You wear me for protection every time you feel not so comfortable with what you are dipping yourself into. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 75 sweet and silly Valentine's Day jokes, pickup lines and card ideas What do squirrels give on Valentines Day? Valentines Day shouldn't be the only day you place a girl above everything else. Dirty Valentines Day Jokes For Adults "Roses are red, violets are blue, f*** the flowers and candy, I just wanna screw." " Get over here and eat my heart-shaped box." "I don't want any stuffed animals. Then I remembered. 35. Im afraid youre going to have to stop masturbating. I dont understand, doc, the patient says. Why didnt the skeleton want to celebrate Valentines Day? Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator? Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common?They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them.A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. A heart-y one. Why couldn't the mineral water ever get a Valentine? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. Whether it's single people who feel targeted for not being cuffed up or couples who just don't want the pressure, it's the one holiday where some folks vocally take a stand against celebrating. 49. Theyll dessert you. 7. What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid's arrow? Courtship. 17. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.What do you get when you jingle Santas balls?A white Christmas!Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? afficher des publicits et des contenus personnaliss en fonction de vos profils de centres dintrt; mesurer lefficacit des publicits et contenus personnaliss; et. What am I?A crane. 4. By saying, "I love ewe. Theyre silent but deadly.Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Don't worry about paying rent! What am I?Peanut butterIm going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. Roses are red, violets are blue; I sure am glad I swiped right on you. Pour en savoir plus sur la faon dont nous utilisons vos donnes personnelles, veuillez consulter notre politique relative la vie prive et notre politique en matire de cookies. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. Browse 149 dirty valentines day jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. I dont have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out? chemistry lover. love chemistry jokes. Your email address will not be published. Summer 40 Hilarious Valentine's Day Jokes That'll Have Everyone Laughing - MSN I'm nuts about you. Valentine's Day memes:60 hilarious memes for Valentine's Day lovers or cynics. Roses are Red,Violets are Blue,Im using my hand,Thinking of you. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?Ive never let a garbanzo bean on my chest.If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?Three feet of my cock up your ass.Congratulations! Valentine's Day 2023:When is the holiday and why do we celebrate it? What am I?A fireplace.You must blow me to play with me. She said, Depends whats in it for me.Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, Yes, who did you think it was? You make me feel just like a unicorn - very wild and horny. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond? Required fields are marked *. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentines Day? You tie me down to get me up. 20 Incredibly Corny and Naughty Valentine's Day Jokes Man on a Valentine's date: "Table for two please.". This way, if we break up, I can use it again. "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him.". Lorsque vous utilisez nos sites et applications, nous utilisons des, authentifier les utilisateurs, appliquer des mesures de scurit, empcher les spams et les abus; et. In the end, I make you happy and confident. Vehicle Workplace. 55 Funniest Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids and Adults 2023 Your horoscope for March 3, 2023. ", 22. For stealing her heart. 39 best Valentine's Day jokes and funniest ideas for a card message What am I?Nose.Ive currently got a stalker. Why not try some short naughty jokes? All Rights Reserved. Your head. My arms. Well, Im gonna show you tonight, over and over and over. When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Give it to me!" she yelled. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Sense of Humor For us being adults, dirty jokes become more acceptable and entertaining alternative in any situation. Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. Frame design. Im like butter, you can spread me anytime. 20. Santa goes through the chimney for what reason? This Heart-Breaking Pun. Marry me, I love you. Sarcastic. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. 39 best Valentine's Day jokes, and funniest ideas for a card message Prepare to laugh. Valentine's Day Jokes Fall head over heels with these Valentine's Day jokes. Inspirational Do you know what youd look really beautiful in this Valentines Day? "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" A guy will actually search for a golf ball!What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?A dictator!What did the leper say to the sex worker?Keep the tip.Whats long and hard and full of semen?A submarine!How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?Call and tell her about it.Why did the squirrel swim on its back?To keep its nuts dry.What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?The Head nurseWhat is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year.I am made of either latex or rubber. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didnt know either.What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?She gagged.Whats a lesbians love language?Speaking in tongue.A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! One hundred dollars. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine's Day? Sometimes people l*ck my nuts. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine's Day? Copyright 2023 Distractify. What did one flame say to the other on Valentines Day? You make me feel just like a unicorn very wild and horny. I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." Kelly Sillaste // Getty Images. Dirty Valentine's one-liners (so cute!) And that was cos Id no small change for the window cleaner.They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you handsome.What name do you give to a country where everyone is pissed off?Urination.Sex is like pizza, if youre going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck youre doing.A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.